excess

Terrible guilt. Every time I use a paper towel a litany of waste zips around smashing things in my head. Things like how bad I am for making a forest so expendable. Grinding life down to pulp so I can wipe up a mess. Razing the planet for my wanton excess of selfish slop.

Where did that even come from? I have felt this nearly all my life. I vaguely remembering this guilt starting decades ago. There was commercialism making my life easier, and politicism via environmental awareness making me feel guilty about it. You hardly see that nowadays.

I've worked several eye opening jobs where the waste of papers and plastics in all forms is mandatory. It's mandatory because policies dictate cleanliness. I remember changing waste bins in hospital offices, labs, waiting rooms, public and private bathrooms. I also remember the extreme amount of clean up behind doors in surgery, labor and delivery, and the ER. A hospital is one thing. I also worked hotel desk, retail, and food industry. Guess which one had the most waste I ever saw in my life. Retail.

I know I consume very little on the grand scale. But I am aware I do. I'm not against straws and napkins and plastic forks. I'm very pro whatever makes life easier for us all, with babies, disabilities, and other life-grinding challenges. I know I don't have to feel guilty. I didn't create this bingefest mess. I didn't create throwing trash into the oceans. None of us 'little people' created that.

I'm ready for governments and policies and corporations to fix this. Stop selling our garbage to companies who are happy to dispose of it without remorse just because there is no law stopping it, yet. Find better ways to deal with our mass consumption, which is not the fault of the huddled masses at all. We've been spoonfed and raised on consumerism, we are so dependent on it that we cannot survive without it very well. Those who created this- fix it.

I felt the need to write this out because I'm feeling it. I know politics is all over the map right now. I'm over here feeling guilty because I used a paper towel.