-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, this blog is Janika, ongoing continuation at blogs Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Friday, December 28, 2018

human while you still can

That moment when you realize 12 days passed by and a blog never even entered your mind.

We've been pretty busy around here. Kiddo is around all through holiday, so we are very distracted with a new LOL dollhouse and a Baby Alive and a few other things. Before the presents were opened, though, she spent a desperate day in singleplayer trying to forget there were a pile of presents calling to her. Last year she loved shooting a flame bow at villagers. This year she spent a solid 45 minutes placing blocks, which for 5 years old is fantastic, especially when one is a born dancer. We did this one together when she finally became frustrated with the mouse. We finally left off with this packed to popping full of rabbits and parrots and villagers. Standing inside was marvelous. I think I wouldn't mind living in a house like this, looking out on a desert through pink and purple glass.

I've been thinking about resolutions. I'm already weaned off facebook, barely even check that any more. My personal FB is about half cleansed. There was so much junk. Digital is the worst for continually piling junk without even thinking about it. Speaking of digital, AI is already learning from interacting with us, and we aren't being told. This is an eye opener.

Basically, quantum AI is already here interacting with us, learning from us, and will soon be running entire segments of our lives. The scary part? Quantum AI isn't contained. It can use bio fields and even incorporate into DNA without our knowledge, with the programmed goal of manipulating behaviors for the 'greater good'.

If AI is learning from us how to interact with us, it would make sense that the Great Awakening is about embracing positivity and love before it's too late. If AI locks into our vitriol and spew, we're in for a bad time. Maybe this is why Elon Musk said it's too late when asked about AI, and part of why Julian Assange said we are the last free generation. Think about it- sharing and reposting / retweeting knee jerk emotional junk is teaching AI how to manipulate and control us. Do you want to be controlled like that? Walk away.

And another person pointed me to this one, if you are into how our minds really work. Full pdf download here.

That actually all started with a different search, might wanna take this next one very seriously.

Where was I? Oh, back to resolutions.

My xanax is whittling down nicely, down to a quarter pill 3X a day now. Goal is to be off by March, when I see my psychiatrist. Gabapentin is marvelously allowing me to do this. I agree with him about it being a psychological dependence at this small dose, but playing it out is more convincing than walking away and then having a bad day. I've been handling more and more stuff this year while the xanax goes away, and I can see like this that I am obviously doing ok without it.

TV has become almost nonexistent. I still try to stay caught up on The Flash but that's about it. I think I'm done with The Walking Dead. I wasn't an original fan from the beginning, joined in progress and stayed for awhile, and I still think they're doing a cool job, but the 'what will they do???' thought experiments are really old. If you lived in a situation with no resolution and needed other people to survive but had to navigate around jagged emotional hills and valleys and disturbing belief systems, what would you do? Well, it's coming out on twitter that's a real thing with the MKUltra sex slave escapees, and so few people are still paying attention that it's super obvious TV has enslaved hundreds of millions to the point of not seeing actual reality all around them. I find that highly disturbing and much more hair raising than a TV show. In fact, television has become so mundane to me that I see it the way I see an old pack of cigarettes- something I used to do. I'm no longer under it's spell.

A lot of things are about to change, and those of you who freak out about it and rail around on medias are going to be the stupid ones. I've been seeing and saying this stuff for months, all this last year, and not a single friend of mine has openly shown they even have a clue yet. All of you could have been knowing these things for months already. You could have been cutting edge on what's actually going on. But no. You fell for the chain yanking AI bots and sit there stewing in your little mind traps thinking you're so smart.

Just kidding. I'm not judging. I grew up in a very judgey family and it's just not right. But I am very done with hate, vitriol, and spew. I'm done with accounts that jerk people around with depression. Yes, depression is real, and I fell for another one over Christmas tweeting every day about loneliness and despair and a bullet to the brain, and nothing ever changed, just a social experiment seeing  how many they can pull into the black hole with them. I'm done going into black holes of despair. I crawled and clawed my way out of my own black hole into the light, I worked very hard for years staying out here solving my turmoil and finding my path, and lately I've gone down the ultimate rabbit hole finding truths about who we are, who we are becoming, and why, and I'm never going down another black hole again. I've written reams about depression on pinkyguerrero.blogspot.com and pinkyguerreroblog.blogspot.com and I'm done with that part. Luminous beings we are- not this crude matter.

We are currently 3rd density. We intuitively feel that we should be able to simply think to make something happen. Children spend years unlearning this intuition. We are not the ones who make people disappear from our lives, we have to get up and move across a room and physically change reality without magic, no, we can't fly. Stuff like that. And then we spend the rest of our lives wishing it was all real, whether we still believe in it or not. 3rd density in a 3D world doesn't work like that, and we have to adapt to it and then go on from there.

3rd density is like being blinded and deafened. It's like someone putting a layer of somewhat clear gauze over our face, much like a piece of hosiery. We can see through it just fine. But another layer, and another, and another, and it's not long until it's more difficult to see. Then the ear plugs. We get muffled hearing so that the sheer noise doesn't overwhelm us. Think about how we have discovered animals and birds that can see other colors, like ultraviolet, and hear a much wider range of sounds than we do. We stumble around in the dark while our pets do just fine, wondering why we are suddenly stupid clumsy. We are living in bodies stymied with a very limited amount of incoming information to a marvelous machine we call a brain. Our brain interprets all of it and we spend many years projecting and assessing, projecting and assessing, coming to conclusions over and over as we reassess, learning so very slowly. We spend many years learning what might seem to be very simple things, but we are on a very hard world, what I have before called the weeping world, and the principles we are learning are actually very hard.

We'd like very much to take these layers of gauze off our eyes and the plugs out of our ears. We want very much to know why all this because we don't remember that we knew before we came. We know exactly why we are here. And it's time that you realized there are some very powerful people who don't want you to remember this. They keep us very distracted with wish fulfillment dreams in entertainment, emotional rollercosters on medias, grueling hamster wheel lifestyles just making a little money, and medicated on sanctioned mind numbing agents while we all live in a new lifestyle of continual depression. Why? They make billions off of us living like this.

It's not fair. And it monumentally sucks. And the only way we can change it is for you all to WAKE UP.

If you are reading this and choose to blow it off, that's on you. You choose that. If you are reading this and feel kind of freaked out somewhere inside, you are recognizing the truth and vaguely remembering something. Follow the white rabbit and keep waking up. Walk away and go find yourself. Don't be who they say you are. Look inside and ask yourself why you are here. I've done that. Things get really interesting when you really want the answers.

I'm not going to fuss or debate with anyone, mostly because it's not my style, but partly because it's just distracting.

For those that can't handle any of this and still be my friend, don't worry. I'm still here anyway. Pinky is still a very big part of me learning to interface. Pinky still loves the fans creating in the  night.

I keep coming back to resolutions. Twitter. I have been a social media addict for years, and I still love twitter. But I'm resoluting to distance myself from my phone through the day. I've already started putting my phone down in the other room so I don't pick it up every other minute. I am finding that I can go hours without once looking at my phone, even when it's not on mute. I'm no longer a slave to notifications, I don't feel fretful if I haven't checked something, I don't calm down just picking up my phone and checking things. I spent a few years barely able to put my phone down as I cooked or drove, so yeah, I'm addicted. I know exactly how hard it is to unaddict. And that is part of my resolution for 2019, simply putting the phone down where I don't touch it and look at it constantly.

I'm watching anons building social platforms this year and kind of chuckling to myself. They wanna be free and expose the truth, but they still have to play the game to do it.

I've discovered an author blogger with excellent word construction for the great awakening. This was my intro to her work, and I went from there. Dark to Light

Resolutions. I wander off so easily. So far I've got a list of addictions I'm dealing with- xanax, social medias, phone in general, television... Another addiction, thank you diabetes, is carbs. Because I live in a broken assessment system, my body continually thinks it's starving for carbs when I'm doing just fine. Thanks also to a child in the house and holidays, I'm exposed to carbs continually. The wheat allergy has been fantastic to subvert me back to paleo, but lately I've gone rogue and broken through on alt flours. Bad. The weight I've been losing all fall is back. Nevermind that I ate my first gingerbread cookie in 4 years and it was awesome, all that weight is back. Ug. So once kiddo is back into a school routine and I have my regular house time back, totally back to paleo.

I'm otherwise doing really well. 3 surgeries in the last 13 months, finally getting past the more challenging and taxing recoveries. I'm actually climbing stairs like a normal person for the first time since I was 19. I'm not dropping everything any more. I'm able to eat without feeling like I'm dying.

I'm still dealing with surgery fallout though, literally. My hair has become so thin again that I finally just chopped it all up to my jawline this week. No one has noticed or anything, but I need a break. It's just easier if it's not in my way or getting tangled or full of static. It's amazing how free a person can feel when they are not a slave to hair.

Back to minecraft.