-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, this blog is Janika, ongoing continuation at blogs Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Tuesday, June 4, 2019

focusing my energy

I used to write (for 5 years!) about focusing, making lists, maintaining a daily work ethic with a self motivation routine. I could go on about how much I've slacked off that this year, but no one saw me putting 3 hours a day into child care, either, or the extra household work, shopping, and cooking it's taking to keep two adults going full time in the work force plus raise a child, which means extra laundry, lots of dish washing, brave attempts at holding back total annihilation of my standard of living in this house as I watch the piles of other people's stuff take over all the floors and surfaces. I was horrified, last week when we thought the hamster might be loose in my bedroom, at the thought of having to plow through my last stand pile (like Custer's Last Stand) of nobody touches this stuff, but thankfully he was under the couch in the livingroom after all.

Part of the reason I stopped blogging and even stopped writing *gasp* is because moderating on multiplayer is keeping me sane while I handle real life. Our money has gotten so tight that I no longer invest in hobbies of any kind for myself, minus 7.99 a month for one game service, and a yearly cost to keep my Lexx sites open. Everything else has either been let go or put on back burners to sit. I cut my own hair, finally bought a second pair of shoes, got talked into putting new glasses on a credit card, and that's nearly about it. I have clothes I still wear that go back to 2012 and even 2009. I'm currently dealing with med changes attempting to regain control over allergies ramping into reactive airway problems. I was 80 on lung function 5 years ago, this year I'm at 67.

It's been five years come September since I've had a sandwich, pasta, donut, most cereal, anything made with wheat. I finally decided I needed a gingersnap this week (5 years!) and made gluten free. Turned out more like a soft molasses cookie but still really good. Alas, I can't just start that back up again, though, thank you diabetes, which I manage without meds. It's also been 7 years since I've had lemon pie, orange juice, limemade, guacamole, mayo and all other condiments made with lemon (natural flavor), and other citrus that includes meat rubs and sauces. I did find a bbq sauce that uses vinegar that's pretty good, an organic ketchup that uses vinegar that is surprisingly better than other ketchups, and a salad dressing line that uses just vinegar, but for awhile (several years!) I was doing it all from scratch. I figure allergies alone have saved me at least 100 extra pounds.

I won't even go into the nuts and peanuts thing and how happy I was finding sunbutter until my body laughed and said ohhellno.

So you can imagine I've had a bit of depression nag at me here and there trying to turn me into a big whiny weenie, and that makes me mad and I slap that right back out and tell it get lost before I come out there and stomp it flat. I don't have time to whine.


That was a couple days ago, maybe.

Also dealing with that new pillow headache every morning. I love my feather pillow, but it's obviously not helping with my allergies as it's aging, so I found nice pillows on big sale at JCP home store. Pillows are ridiculously overpriced. Can't just get more and more trying them all out.

Noting the silver finally taking hold for posterity.

Ok, what do I need to do? Focusing my energy has been a little bit fail lately, although I do manage to keep up ok with the basic housework. My bathrooms are clean! I can't abide a gross bathroom. The rest of my house is like wading through a hurricane wake of 3 very busy people leaving trails and dump piles everywhere they go, and even though I've spent 2019 so far dealing with impinged left shoulder and severe tendonitis after a sprain in right thumb, and apparently reactive airway O_O yes, I am still keeping up with ALL the laundry and dishes all by myself. You'd think I'd be the one people should be helping out a little more because aging challenges (all this still on top of fibro morphing into actual arthritis all over my body now), but I guess that deep programming instilled in me as a child to put others first makes communicating my needs difficult. Still, it's all about living a joyous life in good spirits, which has mostly been somewhat achieved over time and especially more this year, and I'm very glad I've been been a part of this long enough to reach this level. I've been aware for years that I don't want to go out bitter. And that part is entirely up to me.

This guy is fascinating to listen to.