-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, this blog is Janika, ongoing continuation at blogs Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Monday, January 7, 2019

annual life assessment thingy

Got my semi-annual 8 1/2 hours of sleep last night so I'm feeling a bit perky. Wondered what my webmii might be since I've been burninating my platform. Don't do this before coffee, kids.

Have I ever broken 6 before? I looked back through my webmii tags on pinky blog. Nope. And of course, I'm still behind Lisa Marie Bowman. Still, not bad. 94% visibility is NOT what I was expecting as I tossed old accounts and switched other accounts and basically cleaned house. I thought it would plummet, not spike to the highest it's ever been.

I've come a long way from 4.40 in 2015.

Getting back into the swing of setting some weekly goals. Guess we'll see how well I do. Those really slacked off after the kids moved back in, diverted my focus on running to keep up with them. Welp, I seem to be doing pretty well with that now despite the entire body nervous system zings, so I'm experimenting with very slowly raising pain control support with an extra 100mg of gabapentin during one of my 3 daily doses. I did baclofen yesterday on top of it and it's a bit much, wasn't too keen on flat out going numb, actual muscle weakness in my legs kind of thing, so maybe continue to hold that one back for dire days.

I know, I haven't been talking about this, right? If you're new, they were checking me for MS decades ago, and I'm still chugging along without any plaques showing up, even though my entire nervous system is mimicking a range of illnesses that have doctors bringing up pretty words like ankylosing spondilitis, which is also not verified. Despite continual total body fibrotic response, I've recently been cleared for scleroderma, and I haven't had an autoimmune flare in 4 years. Although diet change, ASTYM, and CPAP have been the 3 main positive changes, no one can really put a finger on why anything is happening yay or nay, and whatever this is, the pain is steadily getting worse despite my health getting better, and even advanced lyme isn't fitting this picture. Between a bad car accident, 2 different tick diseases, Bartonella, epstein-barr, CMV, a fungal infection from soil that scarred my lungs, and God knows what else, my nervous system rings continually like a bell, and the pain is unlivable now without the gabapentin. Unlivable meaning there is no way even 3 days in a hospital can control my wildly spiking blood pressure any more without clamping controls down on this unremitting pain.

Ok, that's out of the way. I don't have to talk about it the rest of the year. Now I can move on to this year's goals. Now that my 2 years of monthly Myriad (cancer testing) payments are over, I will be saving up for new glasses, which I hope to have by next Christmas. I haven't been able to get to a dentist in nearly a year, so time to get back on checkups. I've decided I've got to also stop sending money to gofundme pages. I had absolutely no Christmas money for my kids this year, and while some of you think Christmas is hundreds or even thousands of dollars, I usually have only $100 to spend at all. My money was so tight last year that I actually cried. It was worse than tight. I need to pay attention to my own needs this year. Sorry if that makes me mean, but I watched my mom give money away to the detriment of her own failing health, and I just cannot do that to my family. It was very hard on us all scraping up cash for my mom's only MRI toward the end because her health care was too dismal to pay for that, despite obvious disability that should and could have been easily documented and treated. Her monetary gift recipients didn't see me cashing in the last of my savings and meager 401K to be able to pay for that, and when her church found out, there wasn't any money coming back. We spent many years on our own dimes taking turns caring for her, and I cannot do that to my own family.

This is the year I seriously need to FOCUS! GET TO WORK!!!