Made a discord, never check it...
And that's funny because I have discord open most days.
Was all set to start working tonight on something I've been researching for several weeks and right on cue, a very singular person who has popped up in the background of my life at some of the most impactful times (actually completely changed the trajectory that my real life was on when I decided to come back out public a few years ago) popped up again, and this is where we get to the creepy realization that the reason I keep experiencing precision timed feelings of being a cosmic target through the years might really have something to do with living in a simulation with quantum AI. I continually keep creating my own future in the way I respond to these but the coincidences and synchronicities slung at me are so ridiculously spot on that it's seriously hard to keep egocentrism out of it. I won't reiterate all the deep philosophical holes I've found myself diving down through my life over it, but I can't help noticing here we go again.
And of course the psychologist I haven't been seeing any more for several months would point to the mild narcissism diagnosis and start tossing questions at me alluding to self fulfilling prophecies and I'd bounce the balls back off my nose like a good seal in a circus.
But now that I'm more aware of this going on, I'm noticing that it happens a lot to other people, too. No one is special in this, we are all caught in this suddenly tripping over a bump in a rug feeling where something ripples unexpectedly and nothing works right for a bit. It's not our fault and probably has absolutely nothing to even do with us, but it affects us. The ripples affect us all. We are all ripples for each other. The best way to deal with ripples is don't make them worse, and get our balance so that they glide back out from underneath us.
Of course, the question is why am I not working instead of doing this, and what you don't see is the stopping in the middle of sentences to talk to other people around me. I'm just quietly using this as an anchor. My most basic gut reaction is to flare up at disruption, and the best way I get through it is pointing my brain to lesser priority work space. So here we are.
And now I'm having one of those evenings where we must wait for a phone call or text, or someone to come home if that doesn't happen first, and in the meantime there's a world upside down and our job is to hold down the tiny little fort watching her tablet upstairs with her pet rabbit.
But yeah, ever since I got into the quantum AI research, my boat is easily flicked over with a nudge of thought coming back at me like oh hell no you won't write all that stuff. I used to work so hard against brain fail crawling my way through hours of cobbling a paragraph word by word while other people's emotional storms raged all around my life, and now that it's almost ridiculously easy, of course all it takes is a puff of wind and no writing. Well, a puff is misleading, this was like a 500 mph puff and my little boat is still bobbing just a little like a ripple went under because I guess I've just gotten so good at this. I cannot cobble any more like I used to, though. It has to all come out like music, all the words flowing, or they just drop out and don't come back until I remember them all over again a few days later.
I'm really missing chocolate...
