-Mobile continuation from Xanga blog PinkyGuerrero at PinkyGuerrero, Pinky, this blog is Janika, ongoing continuation at blogs Basically Clueless & PinkFeldspar, in that order.
-Most of the graphics and vids click to sources.
-Personal blog for Janika Banks.
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Thursday, February 28, 2019

the longest month finally over

Got the original pic here
More awesome here
Original blue version from here
More info on Rosette Nebular here
I have been making executive boss decisions right and left all winter, and today I exec decided to get control of this stupid swarming that has been plaguing my blogs since 2015, so most of them have been unlisted from blogger and turned off for search engines, and some have been pulled into private for the time being, but they're all still there. Also axed a bit of info, linking and sharing, widgets...

One of the big bads of blogging is don't blab on about yourself, and I did that nearly exclusively on pinky blog and demo'd that is actually a great way to get readers if you don't have an agenda apart from that, along with proper hashtagging with social media sharing, right. That used to be fun and a good thing. It's gotten so bad, that pretty much guarantees you can't see anything organic.

You guys are more than numbers to me, many of you are friends, and I do appreciate that I'm still being tagged multiple times daily even though I went on twitter break a month ago. So far a few people have made contact, bless your hearts, and I reached out to a few myself, and it's all good, I just needed very badly to withdraw and be autist for awhile.

I know I don't talk about that much any more.

Many autists don't stay 'out' public very well or very long without either a solid amount of support or ways to hide. Despite what my friends call support, that isn't what I mean, and I had been doing my best to remain completely public for over 5 years. It finally hit me it's ok to make a place to hide. So I've done that, and I've been ironing out the things I've felt were distracting me and finding my balance again.

Today was hard. Along with forgetting to plug the crockpot in like I mentioned in last post, I also went out of my way to cook my favorite eggs even though I knew in the back of my mind I was out of the only ketchup in the house I can eat with my allergies. There are precious few things I use ketchup on at all, and that kind of eggs is one of my faves, so I was super bummed for a few minutes. Things like that seemed to keep happening all day, like I was defeating myself with stupidity. I take that kind of fail too personally, but that's what this autist does, takes the cosmos very personally when things pile up going wrong, and let's just say it's a good thing I'm not a mutant with super powers. My family has been watching me struggle with balancing pain control against mood problems while keeping up with my daily expectations being pummeled with extra challenges like weather and waves of virulence, and what I haven't been bringing up is how much my brain has been slipping again. I'm making mistakes that are either costing us money or risking safety in some way. I'm not thinking. I'm spacing.

That's a very strong sign that autist needs a great big break. I'm not good for anyone if I'm not braining properly, and I'm not good for myself emotionally if I'm not good for other people.

I know many of you can't even imagine what 6 hours of utter silence must be like for a person like me, but it's bliss. I recharge with utter quiet. I haven't been getting that like I used to. My world in my head has been like this all month.

I feel lost in confusion when I'm like that. Nothing makes sense, neural pathways don't connect properly or in the right order while everything is over connecting all at once, and I can seem like I'm already getting senile when I'm like that, even though I'm far from it. My head is exploding with activity on the inside, and on the outside I seem frozen up. I've had a hard time making words off and on all winter. I don't speak easily when I'm flummoxed.

At any rate, the roast turned out awesome and no harm no foul.

I guess we might be seeing Winter Storm Scott forming this weekend, or maybe soon after, so @bonenado is all excited. 😁 I know a lot of Scotts out there. Bout time they all had a storm named after them.

Tomorrow I have my third electromyography with nerve conduction work up. We're still trying to pinpoint where the damage actually is so we know what to do next. Really glad Scott will be off work to drive me through Winter Storm Scott. 😃 Actually, we probably won't get hit that hard until the weekend. Already kind of cringing about school possibly being out next Monday, lol. We've reached the level of hamster being snuck out of the cage, among other more independent 5 year old behaviors, and I'm not sure I can mount a rescue if it gets loose and hides in the fridge fan again. I've been lobbying for hamster expansion, but we really don't have the extra cash right now.

I really need to catch up on stuff.

Actually, still very slowly working on the Continuum rewatch. We're up to the part where we find out the factory workers in the future were literally slaves with brain chips.

I haven't listened to this entire thing yet, but it's fun. Give it a whirl.

I'm a big Dark City fan, so of course that grabbed my attention. I know what that means.

Just noticed the time, guess I'll sign off.